WORDS BY HER

Observing the world from a woman’s perspective—quiet reflections, sharp questions, and stories worth sharing.


  • (Note: This article integrates concepts from Amia Srinivasan, Audre Lorde, Soraya Chemaly, and other feminist thinkers.)


    I.Why Is Anger “Unfeminine”?


    Female anger is often dismissed as irrational, emotional, or aggressive. In popular culture and daily interactions, women who express strong emotions—especially anger—are swiftly labeled as “hysterical.” This reaction is not incidental but rooted in deeply ingrained gender norms.


    From a young age, women are taught to be “gentle, considerate, and self-sacrificing,” while anger is framed as an unattractive, irrational emotion—antithetical to the ideal of the “graceful, rational woman.” As a result, anger is stripped of its political and expressive legitimacy.

    II. Core Thesis: Anger as Epistemic Practice

    Philosopher Amia Srinivasan, in her essay “The Aptness of Anger,” introduces the concept of affective aptness. She argues that anger is not merely an emotional outburst—it is a way of knowing, a legitimate response to injustice, a form of critical judgment.

    “Affective injustice is when certain groups are discouraged or punished for experiencing or expressing the emotions that are most appropriate to their social situation.”
    — Amia Srinivasan

    She names this phenomenon affective injustice: when women are penalized or marginalized for expressing anger, a systemic mechanism of suppression is at play. This not only invalidates their feelings but also undermines their ability to recognize and articulate injustice.

    What does this mean?

    • Anger is not irrational—it is the beginning of recognition.
    • It contains critical insight; it opens a window to structural injustice.
    • It is a form of knowledge production, not just a “bad mood.”

    III. Embodied Knowledge: Anger as Boundary Signal

    Poet and feminist Audre Lorde, in her essay “The Uses of Anger,” describes female anger as a “clear and precise response” to intersecting forms of oppression such as race, gender, and class:

    “My anger has meant pain to me but it has also meant survival. Not passive survival, but survival borne out of an unswerving commitment to truth.”

    She rejects the idea that anger is inherently chaotic or violent. Instead, she defines it as a tool of self-preservation—a signal that a boundary has been crossed, and a declaration that change is both necessary and possible.

    Lorde distinguishes between two forms of anger:

    • Destructive anger: suppressed, denied, internalized.
    • Political anger: expressed, organized, transformed into resistance.

    IV. Structural Critique: Who Gets to Be Angry?

    Many critics have noted that while male anger is often framed as “decisiveness” or “strength,” female anger is pathologized—punished in professional settings, isolated socially, and dismissed as irrational.

    Feminist scholar Sara Ahmed writes:

    “The angry woman becomes the problem, rather than the conditions that make her angry.”

    In other words, society displaces anger from its causes and frames the angry woman as the issue itself. This is a form of emotional misdirection that protects existing power structures while silencing the truth-tellers.

    V. Contemporary Voices: Anger in Texts and Movements

    Female anger is reclaiming space in public discourse and creative work:

    • Rage Becomes Her (Soraya Chemaly): Anger as an emotional right long denied to women—a resource for equality.
    • Good and Mad (Rebecca Traister): Anger as political fuel and collective awakening.
    • Burn It Down anthology: 22 women writers tell stories of rage, shame, resistance, and transformation.

    Together, these works argue: anger can be translated—into writing, speech, organizing, and art. It is both a personal and collective resource.

    If you’d like to explore more on this theme, Soraya Chemaly’s Rage Becomes Her is an essential read that inspired this essay.
    👉 Buy the audiobook on Amazon

    VI. Critiques and Limits: The Politics of Anger

    Despite the progress, some thinkers warn of potential pitfalls:

    • Commodification: Anger risks being co-opted by brands or media, stripped of its political edge (e.g., “angry girl” merch).
    • Representation gaps: Not all women are equally heard when angry. White middle-class women may be validated, while Black, working-class, and trans women remain perceived as threats.
    • Emotion fatigue: Without structural change, repeated expression can lead to exhaustion or apathy.

    VII. Conclusion: Anger Is Not the End—It’s the Beginning

    Women’s anger is no longer taboo. It is becoming a tool:

    • To speak what has long been silenced
    • To dismantle the “good girl” narrative
    • To gather, organize, and push for change

    The real question isn’t whether women are too angry. It’s—why did they have to wait this long to be?


    📚 Further Reading


    Amazon affiliate link included. Thanks for supporting independent publishing.

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    Sexist Things Women Still Hear—And How to Respond
    Practical ways to respond to everyday sexism, from subtle remarks to direct condescension.

  • Some comments sound polite or helpful—but they quietly reinforce outdated expectations of how women should behave. These are classic sexist comments examples that many women still hear today.

    The following came from a Reddit thread asking:
    “What common criticisms of women or femininity make you cringe?”

    Seven years later, we’re still hearing them. Here are 7 of the most common sexist comments examples—and how we might respond.

    • Wearing makeup means you’re insecure. Not wearing it—are you sick?
    • Not wanting kids is selfish.
    • Do you actually like this, or are you just pretending?
    • You’re not like other girls.
    • When there are too many women, there’s always drama.
    • She’s so aggressive—it’s hard to work with her.
    • Women aren’t logical, they’re just emotional.

    🚫 Wearing makeup means you’re insecure. Not wearing it—are you sick?

    Underlying Bias:
    Polices women’s appearance no matter what they do, turning personal choice into public commentary and denying freedom over one’s image.

    How to Respond:
    Set boundaries: ‘My appearance is not a public topic.’

    Emphasize agency: ‘I don’t exist to meet anyone’s aesthetic preferences.’

    🚫 Not wanting kids is selfish.

    Underlying Bias:
    Assumes a woman’s value is fulfilled only through motherhood, and labels childfree women as irresponsible or immature.

    How to Respond:
    Make it firm: ‘My life choices don’t need your approval.’

    Ask: ‘Why is not having children considered selfish?’

    🚫 Do you actually like this, or are you just pretending?

    Underlying Bias:
    Assumes women are only pretending to enjoy ‘non-feminine’ interests to please others, denying their genuine passion or knowledge.

    How to Respond:
    You don’t owe anyone a performance of your interests.

    Politely ask back: ‘Why do you think women’s hobbies need to be explained? Do you ask men the same thing?’

    🚫 You’re not like other girls.

    Underlying Bias:
    Disguises criticism of most women as a compliment by isolating you as the ‘exception’—and hopes you’ll agree with that insult.

    How to Respond:
    Refuse it: ‘I think other women are great too.’

    Call it out: ‘Do you mean to say other women aren’t?’

    🚫 When there are too many women, there’s always drama.

    Underlying Bias:
    Reduces any group conflict to a ‘woman problem,’ ignoring leadership or communication issues and reinforcing the stereotype that ‘women can’t cooperate.’

    How to Respond:
    Stay factual: ‘Team conflicts are about communication and leadership—not gender.’

    Ask calmly: ‘Do you have data to support that?’

    🚫 She’s so aggressive—it’s hard to work with her.

    Underlying Bias:
    When women assert themselves, they’re labeled ‘difficult,’ while men doing the same are praised as ‘leaders.’

    How to Respond:
    Say clearly: ‘I’m discussing facts and ideas—not trying to be likable.’

    Ask: ‘Would you say the same if a man spoke this way?’

    🚫 Women aren’t logical, they’re just emotional.

    Underlying Bias:
    Frames rationality as a male trait and dismisses women’s perspectives by labeling them emotional, thus undermining their judgment or professionalism.

    How to Respond:
    Focus on content: ‘Logic comes from ideas, not gender.’

    Challenge the label: ‘Can you point out where my logic fails—without assumptions?’

    Final Thoughts:

    We hope these phrases fade away.
    That one day, women’s emotions, choices, and ways of speaking will simply be seen as normal—not something to correct.

    Have you heard similar “well-meaning” comments that didn’t sit right?
    Share your experience in the comments—let’s expand the list together.